I, Me and Myself

25 random,crazy facts about me:

1. I love food, I will say I am not hungry, but when I see food that looks yummy, my hands will be the first to reach out.

2. When I ask you to leave me alone, mostly you'd do well to do that. But yes, there is that 5% percent when I expect you to come back and ask me what happened.

3. I may put on a brave face, but I am more sensitive than your average girl.

4. I miss my girl friends. Sure boys are cool and less complicated sometimes, but I miss the girls like hell. :(

5. I love my space and I love having things for myself. My bed,my room,my laptop, my phone, my everything.

6. I am smart but I like to act silly sometimes to keep the child in me alive and well, to make some others smile.

7. I like to laugh - like really laugh, not smile stupidly. I like to laugh till I have tears in my eyes ( I don't remember the last time that happened)

8. I love playing pranks in the most serious of situations. I think it lightens up the mood a little bit.

9. There is rarely an in between for me. Either I am very happy or very unhappy. If its in between, I'm in an 'I don't care' mood!

10. I hate being told off, I hate people controlling my life. You force me to not do something and that is exactly what I will be doing when you are not watching.

11. To me what you don't know will not hurt you.

12.My best friends are still Shruthi, Aparajita, Shainika, Mithali, Anusha and Sofie (yaa, all girls) in the order of having gotten to know them. I don't necessarily talk to them everyday, but I know I can go back to them on any given day and tell them everything ( well, almost) without feeling weird.

13. I think men are sometimes the worst creatures that grace this planet.

14. Almost all TV shows are awesome. From Friends to Prison Break to MasterChef, everything is AWESOME.

15. I love to pretend that I am a character in the book I am reading or the show I am watching.

16. I pretend to be way cooler than I actually am.

17. I put my head down on a wooden desk and when I hear weird sounds, I like to pretend that there are tiny people inside working away to keep the desk together

18. I love playing outdoors and I love going to different places, but I will fuss about every mode of travel (bus,train,car) except maybe bike. I may have had just a scooty, but I loved it nevertheless.

19. I love to feel the wind in my hair when I walk on the roads.

20. I am afraid of all the animal. Dogs,cats, squirrels,Everything!

21. I do not like coffee or tea or milk.

22. Some things I do, just because I like to, even if its terrible to watch and hear ( dancing and singing are some examples)

23. I have gotten terribly drunk once and puked everywhere on the streets, with that died my desire to drink till I have no idea what I am doing.

24. I want to read the news on TV someday.

25. I want to watch Federer play and win at least once in the stadium,same with the Indian cricket team  ( I am a sore loser by the way)

Ok, enough for now. More on the way soon!

Because I love writing!

Many times you come across something that inspires you to do 'something' yet again. For me writing is what that 'something' is. I had stopped writing for a while because what I wrote once offended someone. I intended no harm of course, but it still did bother me that my actions could cause someone so much pain. But I am back again, wiser than before. After all paper does have more patience than man ( well, in this case, the computer). So much has changed since my last post, I am working again and I no longer have time for all the small pleasures in life. All the time I was idle while I was in college, I wish I had utilised my time better, for the things that I want to do now, I do not have the time and when I had the time back then, I did not do these things. Before I proceed, forgive my terrible language because as you can see, it has been a while. I haven't had much time to read either, so yes, catastrophic fail! But I will get better with time and then it should be ok.

Cannot this of anything else for now. It's good to be back. Hopefully will have more to write about next time :-)

The slave

She worked all day and all night,

To keep others happy, she worked so much

Sadly though, she knew not, what made her happy.

She was lonely, she wished for freedom,

Freedom from the chains of fate

Those bloody chains,
the ones that had already cut into her skin

leaving behind marks of agony,

Marks that would not be erased by anything.

Marks that she would regret getting for 

a long time afterwards!

Einsamkeit

Somedays you are so lonely that the tears wont stop flowing..

Somedays you are so overwhelmed by grief,

Those are the days you wish someone was with you,

To hold you while you cry

To just be quiet and be there

To tell you not to worry

To support you.

To let you finish crying

To understand the way you feel

To be patient

To care

To listen

To tell you that things will work out

To tell you that things will be alright

To tell you that better times are ahead.

You wish someone was there..

The one where I start packing...

It is that time of the year when I pack to leave the safe comforts ( yeah right! ) of home once again. After 2 weeks, I kicked laziness in the @#$% and dragged my trolley out of the loft. This was going to be the most interesting part of my packing just yet. Clothes!! But I was totally not ready for what was going to happen next. I have always complained that I did not have enough clothes. Boy, was i wrong there. Within minutes, my room was strewn around with dresses of all kinds, old and new. I got down to business and started to put them in my bag. After half an hour, my bag was full. There was still a lot on the floor. This is the moment where I start panicking. Damn these baggage restrictions. I was sure then that I would exceed the allowances and we all know what that means.(From ze parents.) The most popular dialogues (chosen after a lot of filtering) would be, 'Who asked you to shop when you already have so much?' and 'What?!? You just bought those a couple of months ago, I paid so much for it, you are spoilt, when I was young, I did not have these comforts, blah blah blah'. So boring and repetetive. I have heard this for 22 years of my life. :-S. So back to where I left, I unpacked again, sorted out what I had and decided that some of it was going to stay here at home only. And yes, I was prepared to face the lecture that would follow later.

After the clothes, I remembered the shoes. The thought brought back a few painful memories. Quite literally. The last time I wore those shoes, I had blood clots in my toenails. That's how bad they were. I had conveniently forgotten to mention to my parents that the shoes we bought last year were way too tight for me to wear again. And everytime they asked me about it, I told them they were there inside, I was preserving them for later. Later had arrived. The shoes were covered in dust. Sigh. I washed them and asked brilliant friends for ideas on what to do... I figured I had to get new ones unless I was ok with spending the other half of my life with crushed toes or something like that. So there I was, with no place to fit what I already had, and yet thinking of shopping again. Should I call it the girls bug?!?

Thee rat race that this life is- A man's thoughts

What is this life full of care, with no time to stand and stare..Such a simple line, yet so powerful in meaning. I sit down and ask myself...how long will this battle last, how long will I strive to attain what I am looking for. But then again, what is it that I am looking for? Is it money, not quite. Perhaps it is fame. Not so much. Recognition then? No.. I just want to live my life.
It is not as easy as it sounds. This life that I live, its a constant race. A race against time, a battle among peers. There is so much to see, yet I lose it all as I focus on my goal. The goal that is supposed to give me happiness.. Is it worth all this, I ask myself.
Those famous words, "Do not rest on your laurels".Ah, I diligently followed and in doing so, I forgot to savour those sweet moments of success. I may attain my unknown goal someday. But I am afraid that when the day comes, I will have forgotten how to feel happy.
The emotions lost, the soul in me dead. I realise I do not want to get anywhere. I want no goal."Just let me live my life", I want to scream! In the present, for the moment. Let me breathe and live everyday like it was my last day on this planet. Today is the day, now is the time and this is the place to relish it all

Ze T Nagar Experience

So yes, it was a hot hot Saturday like it always is in Chennai. I decided to spend the morning out on the streets of T Nagar doing some useful shopping. I boarded a bus and reached my destination at 9.30 am. The sun was just starting to get up in the sky and it was very humid. I looked around at the place in awe. I had always gone there with dad on his bike. This was my first time alone and I had to figure out the way amidst a hundred shops that looked the same to me. I walked on looking more confident than i felt. The aroma of flowers wafted in the air ( there were a lot of shops that sold garlands on my left ). I am not sure if i liked it, I was trying to focus on not losing my way. I passed GLOBUS and I felt slightly assured that I was heading in the right direction. And as expected,I reached the place I was searching for soon. I will not name the shop here, because I don't have too many nice things to say about it.

As a matter of fact, I have quite a few nasty things to say about their service! Firstly, these huge shops are supposed to have good sales people. I have only come across two kinds so far. One that constantly follow us around ( as if we were going to steal something ) and another that shouts at you for trying on too many clothes. I had a horrible experience in this shop ( probably my worst till date ). The sales women were constantly hovering around and being deliberately unhelpful. I had half a mind to yell at them, but then decided it wasn't worth the scene that it would create. For crying out loud, that is their only job. They may hate their jobs, and they may have a bad morning, but it is their job, they get paid for that. I am not saying wear a stupid smile and call everyone sir/madam. All I am asking is for them to be polite. And apparently that is asking for too much. After an hour, I gave up and walked out, wallet full and bag empty. I had not bought anything.

I was annoyed and frustrated. I needed to let that out of my system. I shifted my attention to the roadside shops. I have been encouraged to never buy anything at those places, but I was in 'what the hell' mood. I went in and to my surprise, the shopkeeper was incredibly helpful. He showed me a pile of 300 t shirts and said, 'Look through it madam, take anything that you like. It doesnt matter if its a mess when your done, take your time.' And the best part, he did not stand behind me and watch while I searched. He went about doing his work. He may have been secretly watching out of the corner of his eye, but he didn't make it obvious and hence, I was a lot more comfortable looking through the pile. After about 15 minutes, I was walking out of the shop satisfied with my buy!

You can argue with me saying that he needed to do this to get the sales up in his shop, but you know, I don't care. These big shops need to send their sales representatives to him and get them trained. They have a long way to go in terms of customer service. All said and done, my T Nagar experience wasn't nearly as disastrous as it first seemed, but I don't think I want to go back there to shop for a while. Time to explore other places....

KO - ??

It is a movie that i have been wanting to watch for a while. That in itself is quite a rarity becase it is not often that I want to watch a tamil movie. Now I am not a movie buff, I cant even write a review where I can talk about camera angles and lighting and all that. Half the time, I cant even make out the difference between the usage in the different movies. It all looks the same to me, that is how amateurish I am.

So then why do i say KO is worth a watch. (Wait! Why is this movie called KO? Yikes, have no idea). The movie is not the realistic kind if that's what you are looking for. But it is different, largely different from the run of the mill movies that Tamil directors usually make. Still, it has the unmistakable Tamil flavour to it, you get a strong whiff of it when you see the hero wheeling in the middle of the road to take pictures of thieves and then zooms ahead doing all kinds of stunts on his bike on a super busy road in the city. The concept of the movie is good, but one gets the feeling that the hero has it too easy With the henchmen, with the naxals, with the news he makes and everything.

If I had to talk about the actors, I'd say Jiva has a done a neat job. The story is what is handed over to him, so we cannot really pin the balme on him for anything on that part. He actualy plays his part with finesse. Jiva has really grown as an actor over the past few years and his performance is to be lauded. The 2 heroines, for once have a decent role to play in the movie. Both of them look good and also play their part well. So much has been hyped about the climax being something that you totally don't expect. And in a way this hype sort of makes you realise where exactly the movie is going by the time you get through half the movie. So that was like a spoiler. Otherwise, a good attempt by everyone and definitely worth watching atleast once...

Yes, she was not my best friend

We were never best friends, and probably will never be. But she was there for me when nobody else was. She cared when nobody else had time to spare a thought for me. I have acknowledged the role that many people played in my life so far, I missed out on this one. I never got a chance to thank her for all that she did for me, for being my guide, my strength. She was there to hold my back every time i fell, to lend a shoulder every time i cried. To accept me with all the faults that I was made of. Yes, she was not my best friend, she was a true friend.

We have fought a million times, I tore apart books, yelled at her, maybe even hit her and gotten hit too. She has annoyed me to no extent sometimes, I have wished for days when I would be alone without her constant presence and sweet talk. Now my wish has come true. I dont get to see that cheerful, encouraging face every morning. Now i miss it. I miss not sharing my chips. I miss fighting over that last spoon of noodles, I miss her opinion on everything. Yes, she was not my best friend, she was the sister I never had.

I may have not told her everything about my life, but that's who I am. I can't always confide in people. Sometimes, its my strength, sometimes its my weakness. Here, its more the latter. She knew that I had secrets. And it may have hurt her. But she did not show it. She had her dreams of how she wanted her relationships with friends to blossom, ours was never what she dreamt of. But she never walked off. She helped me through every difficult phase that I've seen, sometimes even without knowing the reason behind why I was upset or doing badly.Yes, she was not my best friend, she saved my soul.

Now that I sit back and think about the wonderful times that we shared, I realise what an important person she was in my life. I will never forget that calm, creative, cheerful person that she was. Whenever you read this, I hope you understand that it is dedicated to you and the wonder that you are. I miss you and I want to say thank you for all that you have done for me. I owe you big time. Mwah!

WEIRDNESS

How weird this life is,

When things that ought to have brought much joy,

have actually brought nothing but pain to her.

The tears wouldn't stop flowing,

no matter how hard she tried.

That very familiar feeling was back,

The one that would chase away all

happiness, leaving nothing but a deep pit of despair.

The one that suffocated and addled her brain.

The little happy world she built around her

crumbled slowly while she watched.

No, she didn't just watch, she tried to stop it

But like sand through her palms,

the harder she tried to hold on, the faster it slipped.

She wanted to give up, she had seen enough,

the battle just got more ferocious inside her head.

But each time, something held her back.

That little bit of faith from deep inside

told her to hang in there, that good times were due

'They may be a rarity now, but it wont be the case forever',

she told herself, again and again as she waited..

To be contd